Development of emotional regulation skills in children
Shauni Snow, COTA
Emotional regulation is a skill that children and adults can benefit from. So how do children work on their development of emotional regulations skills? This article addresses strategies for emotional regulation.
What is emotional regulation? “Emotion regulation is the ability to exert control over one’s own emotional state.” Emotional regulation skills can be learned. (Emotional Regulation: Skills, Exercises, and Strategies, 2021)
Here are 7 Strategies for emotional regulation:
Selective situations: Pay attention to what triggers your child’s dysregulation and make efforts to avoid these situations. This is not always practical but being aware of what these triggers are will help you to assist your child with regulation. (5 Ways to Get Your Unwanted Emotions under Control, 2015)
Create space: Emotions happen fast. Many times, our children do not even think about it. One of the best skills we can teach our children is the ability to pause, take a breath, and think before they act. One of the best ways to do this is to model it as adults. Children learn best by what they see, not what they hear.
Naming the emotions they feel: Help your child identify what emotions they are feeling. This can be tricky though. Do not identify emotions for them but allow them the opportunity to explore and identify their emotions on their own. Adults can guide this by using phrases like, “Your body language tells me you are frustrated, tired, calm, excited, etc.” Be careful not to oversimplify emotions and just jump to the “big 3.” Happy, sad, and mad. Then ask your child for confirmation. “Is that correct?” or “Can you tell me what you are feeling?”
Help your child identify how their body feels: Use language that will help them to correlate the way their body feels with the emotions they are feeling. “I can see your hands are in fists and that your cheeks are red. Are you feeling angry?” or “I can feel your heart beating fast and you are breathing fast too. You must have run really fast! Do you feel happy?” A fast heart rate and rapid breathing can also be associated with fear or anxiety. It is important to help your child understand these correlations.
Remember you can feel more than one emotion at a time: We tend to believe that if we are happy we cannot feel sad too. But this is not true. Think of the day your child was born. You probably felt a variety of emotions: Happy, nervous, extited, tired, and so on. This is true for your child. When you suspect they may be feeling many emotions, help them identify these especially if they seem to be contradictory.
Accepting the emotion: Emotions are a normal and natural part of how we respond to situations. Accept all emotions with open arms even the ones we tend to lable as bad. Remember There are no bad emotions, just inappropriate responses or actions to emotions.
Practicing mindfulness: Mindfulness helps us “live in the moment.” By teaching your child to use their senses they can learn the skills they need to stay calm and avoid engaging in negative thought patterns when they are in the midst of emotional pain. (Emotional Regulation: Skills, Exercises, and Strategies, 2021)
Emotional Regulation: Skills, Exercises, and Strategies. (2021). Betterup.com. https://www.betterup.com/blog/emotional-regulation-skills
5 Ways to Get Your Unwanted Emotions Under Control. (2015). Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201502/5-ways-get-your-unwanted-emotions-under-control